[eDebate] THE COMING DEBAC(A)L(YPS)E

Nathan Sweed nathan.sweed
Mon Jul 30 17:19:48 CDT 2007


THE FOLLOWING SCENE TAKES PLACE ON THE EVE OF THE EVER-PRESENT DEBATE
APOCALYPSE. ONCE-TACIT DIFFERENCES NOW CONGEAL INTO DISTINCT PARTY
LINES. THE END IS NEAR.

(ENTER JULY)

JW: Four rich kids from well-funded prep schools are good at debate.
Big fuckin' shocker right? They're going to whoop ass on some kids
that don't have excessive coaching staff's backing them. Next year
we're going to let women come to the camp and call it the Kentucky
Bitches Program. Fuck the corporate world.

(ENTER THE FIVE HORSEMEN)

JACKIE: Are you an Iowa farm boy or girl? If so, would you please
count the number of words in the resolution for me?

EDE: I suggest starting a vanguard that refers to itself only as:
America's Next Top(ic) Model. This parodic image will surely prove
that I've still got it.

TUNA: How about "Eastern Europe's Next Top(ic) Model?" It's so active
it's active I active we active she active they active. And I second
JW's move to fuck the corporate world. Kentucky Bitches 4 Life.

EDE: Mmmmm.......Kentucky Fried Bitches.*

ANDY: And I'm somehow in simultaneous noncondradictory agreement with everyone.

DEHUMANIZATION:...

(ENTER THE CLOWNS)

DONNIE BRYSON: I have a skill that is unique to debate. Would you
please hire me?

NEIL: From my high horse I can see that your skill is, in fact,
anti-educational. Perhaps I'll fuck with your finances.

DONNIE: Every living creature dies alone.

CUNTPEPPER: Evidence--even when provided by someone else--can still be
used as a tool for education. I actually have a valid point.

HARPO: That's a spicy cunt!

BRUSCHKE: Satan is hosting a tournament. And this time maybe
Northwestern will give trophies.

--Ravenna Wilson***

PS. The elite-based-apocalyptic-be-all-end-all's-well-that-ends-welcome-to-the-end-of-debate
CAMP WONDER is still taking applications.

*This statement is meant to be, as it definitively is, explicitly
racist. All black people like fried chicken. Studies show that Black's
need fried chicken just like Mexicans need calendars. If you think you
know a black person who does not like fried chicken you probably just
know a white dude using lots of fake tanner and a 59fifty hat.



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