[eDebate] DCA debater #5: Smoltz jersey

bandana martin drmosbornesq
Mon May 14 18:01:06 CDT 2007


Rabinowitz forgot something important in his Culpepper bio that I figured
I'd address because I don't like Culpepper and the more people know what
kind of a d-bag he is the better.

Round 8 at the China topic NDT and Kearney and I's prize for going 3-4
through the first seven rounds is a little (more) first round action in the
form of UGA CR. We saunter down to the room and started asking questions
("what aff will it be?" "how's it feel to be the first round that didn't
clear?"). As far as I could tell, I was the only sober one in the room, and
this includes at least two of the judges (I won't name names because I don't
remember names). This made our frantic prep to answer Culpepper's
new 'sports bad' aff (as if there wasn't a time and place for the 'shame'
aff) all that much more difficult. Luckily, we were able to construct a PIC
because Kearney had some 'baseball good' cards (typed up from Field of
Dreams, that kid was a hoss) which we used to beat #16's ass along with
impact turning the case.

After naming the aff 'the politics of underperformance' Rabinowitz did the
right thing and dispensed with all of the hippy parts of the case and
engaged in the hegemony and prolif debate. Kearney, never being one to sack
down (not a typo), kicked the counterplan and read more cards in the 2NR
about why hegemony was unsustainable than I usually had him read in our
currency 1AC (I think the total count was 5). We felt pretty good because at
least we went 4-4 and finally we had exacted revenge for the team that beat
us so bad on Consult Japan earlier in the year (thanks for the 27.5s Stacy
Nathan). Thus, all we could do was laugh when silly Culpepper only put the
counterplan in his order for the 2AR. Before he could begin, though, the UGA
coaches who had been rooting for Culpepper from the stands the whole time
(must have bene hard to watch) produced his beloved John Smoltz Atlanta
Braves jersey to wear in his send-off 2AR. How sweet. In two minutes' time,
Culpepper went for the "argument" that Kearney had not kicked out of the
counterplan and that it solved worse for racism - one of which was a lie and
one of which was ridiculous because Rabinowitz kicked out of racism earlier.
When the speech ended, Culpepper left the room and immediately began to get
hammered.

Kearney and I packed up in higher spirits than usual for the NDT. While
putting away the hegemony file that, sadly, none of the judges would be
interested in seeing because of Culpepper's antics, we agreed that in the
highly unlikely, ridiculous, hilarious event that we lost the debate, we
would not argue with the judges because this was Culpepper's last round
ever.

We did lose.

And it was not his last round ever.

Kearney and I passed up on the opportunity to focus a highly-disappointing
NDT's worth of angst onto two judges who had announced what the third judge
would later declare to be "the worst decision in the history of the
activity." We passed it up for Culpepper. Culpepper who came back and beat
us in three rounds (all 2-1's except for round 8 at Harvard which woulda
been a 6-1 if it were the NDT finals - Ermo-style), got top 10
speaker awards and won the Copeland. Damn you, Culpepper.

I never saw the Smoltz jersey again but every time I look at Culpepper (and
sometimes at Rabinowitz) it's all I can think about. Brent Culpepper is a
bad person.

Martin Osborn
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