[eDebate] Plants v. Putin

Calum Matheson u.hrair
Wed Apr 23 22:12:23 CDT 2008


I am preoccupied with topic wording research and work for the high school
team I assist, so I don't have enough time to write a lengthy response.  I
think that Russell, Rubaie, etc. have done a good job of this.  I would just
like to make a few short observations.

1.       Do you know what xylem is?  It is a type of transport tissue found
in vascular plants.  The most familiar example is wood.  It transports sap
by transpirational pull and root pressure.  Would you like to learn more?  Vote
for agriculture.

Do you know what the "dead hand is?"  It is an automated nuclear system
designed to destroy the world if Moscow is ever attacked.  It would launch
special radio communication rockets with the phrase "God created the Earth
in seven days; Russia will destroy it in an hour."  This would lock the
override codes in Soviet missiles, directing them to preprogrammed targets
around the world, wiping out the memory of humanity forever in a storm of
radioactive fire.  Would you like to learn more?  Vote for Russia.

2.       In the 1983 made for TV movie "The Day After," Russia launches a
nuclear attack on Lawrence, Kansas.  I believe that Kansas' opposition to
the Russia topic stems from an irrational fear of Russian glory inspired by
this movie.  Please disregard everything that they have written, as their
residence in Kansas also explains their love of agriculture.  Of course they
want to make us all talk about corn.

3.       Dozens of consecutive posts have conceded an argument from my April
5 post "Russia?Why We Fight."   Here I claimed that no one hates Nazis more
than the Soviets did (I'm going to abandon the pretense of calling them
"Russians" from now on).  They hate Nazis, and you hate them.  By the
transitive property of equality, you love Nazis.  I would write the rest of
this post in German for you, but the heroic sacrifices of the Red Army
guaranteed that I never needed to learn the language.

The Russians are coming, Soldaten.  Say hello to your Ostheer comrades in
hell.  This one's for you, Marshal Zhukov.

Calum
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