[eDebate] Hester hits the nail on the head
Eric Wendell Marlow
Sun Aug 24 10:21:16 CDT 2008
I have to agree with Mike. Everything started to go downhill when we
stopped dressing professionally in debates. I mean think about it,
since the disappearance of the neck tie from policy debate rounds, here
are just a few of the things that have gone wrong
--Participation numbers and schools have declined dramatically
--The Star Chamber of the NDT leadership has subverted and assimilated
the CEDA community
--We had to create the new terminology "the debate after the debate"
--We have watched mutual preference judging steal everything good in
our lives away, including our husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends,
parents, friends, and even our children while laughing at us for our
stupidity and stealing the hope from our lives. (MPJ has been really
--The hippies and long hairs have started that thing they do where they
"think freely" and "question assumptions"...enough with the crazy
stoner talk...get a haircut...and a job...Leary is dead...Garcia is
dead...Nixon is dead. Let it go.
--We have discovered that the activity we have passionately pursued for
large chunks of our lives is exclusionary and probably structurally
racist/sexist/classist/elitist and we don't really know how to adapt it.
--The price of gasoline has almost tripled.
--We have been to war in Iraq...twice.
--Our politics have been hijacked by the most tight fisted, messianic,
information controlling, blantantly dishonest, nepotistic, imperial
president in the history of the nation.
--The Indians still haven't gotten their land back. In fact, Ward
Churchill is no longer in academia, but is contributing to the
recession by being just another unemployed white guy.
--The US somehow failed to win the gold medal in basketball at the 2004
--We gave up on going to the moon, developed the "been there done that"
mentality and turned our back on our nation's greatest technological
achievement and one of our most inspiring leaders' vision for the
future of the nation
--Fox News began broadcasting.
--China has replaced the US as the manufacturing engine that drives the
--We have been through the two most severe recessions in the post Great
Depression era and our favorite economic impact authors have yet to
come through for us...I mean, come on Beardon et al, how much
unemployment/inflation/poverty/foreclosure do we need before we get
that next world war...what? We aren't kicking people out of their homes
into the street fast enough?
--We have witnessed the decline of common sense to the point where
people are actually more concerned about same sex couples getting
married than they are about the fact that they still don't have health
care, clean alternative energy, prosperity, or flying cars.
--Brittany Spears, Paris Hilton, Brangelina, and Bennifer have
demonstrated just how stupid television has made our society. Every
breath they take brings us all closer to the apocalypse.
--Terrorists attacked the World Trade Center buildings and generated
enough paranoia in our politicians that they have increased government
power to such an extent that we have less freedom than at any time
since the Civil Rights Act became law. Our community's current crisis
of credibility is directly attributable to this new world of
omnipresent surveillance and evangelical dictation of morality in the
true tradition of Big Brother. Even the university, the last real
bastion of free expression, academic freedom, and independent thought
has sold out and is now basing employment decisions on advertising
potential and our ability to sell their label.
Now I am not saying that the root cause of the collapse of everything
we know and love in the world is inevitable. Its not too late for us
to turn back the rising tide of tackiness currently on display in
college policy debates. If you all will just make a trip to JCPenny's
and consume a little bit more, you can be a part of saving the world.
Each and every individual is uniquely key and only through disengaging
from the disaster that we are on a collision course with can all of us
transcend and decolonize our thinking to see the authentic value of
embracing the big Other within the simulation and realize the full
potential of Dasein. So I urge you all to please be a part of the
solution. Join with Hester and I by purchasing ties and skirts and
maybe even a sport coat or a cardigan. Don't just wear them to
debate...you can never be too careful in saving all things good...wear
them to your classes, your jobs, on dates, to frat parties, grocery
shopping, running errands around town, and especially to sporting
events (particulary Nascar). Be proud to be a hero in the war to save
humanity from the rising tide of evil. We must act now. Stop reading
and get yourself down to the mall!!!
Just remember how happy we were in the good old days when debaters
looked like junior statespeople in training. Harken back to a time
when the world was a better place. You have the power to make this a
reality. Seize your power, don your sweet new threads, and get ready
for a world filled with happiness, endlessly blissful days, and warm
puppies for everyone. Lets all join together to sit out on the porch
swing, sip iced tea, watch the sunset, knowing all the while that the
neck tie and skirt saved the world.
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