[eDebate] Funny elections article

scottelliott at grandecom.net scottelliott
Fri Jul 25 08:03:37 CDT 2008

Sarcasm at its best, from the London TImes:

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the
Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the
shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family,
offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an
African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of
righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of
Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet
Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and
said among themselves: ?Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and
minds to the audacity of hope??

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife
of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working
Class Whites.

Obama fears the Blair effect as tour continues
The Europhiles are not the future, Mr Obama
The Bugle - Barack Obama is coming to Europe!
Our leaders go after some Obama magic
And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the
appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the
light unto all the world.

He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that
consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured
first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the

Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on
all the world.

And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that
had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of
the light were triumphant. For as long as the

Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the
threat of terror was no more.

>From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler
al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop
Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.

And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of
Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of
vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child's very
presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light.

And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak
with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention
of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium
swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.

>From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the
gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from
afar cheered ?Hosanna? and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his

In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and
the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down
with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and
lived for ever after in peace.

As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works, peoples
from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and
McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.

And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the
Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and
the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the
anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one
generations had been waiting for.

And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall,
spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on
credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and
the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again.

Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In
hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured.
And all because the Child had pronounced it.

And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the
truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all
on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.

Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the
shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast
multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length.

But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry,
for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him.

And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five
loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters
and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all
had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.

Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of
the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the
Child, but he was tempted not.

On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient
land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great
prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the
Golden One.

And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of
the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and
singing: ?Yes, We Can.?

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